Transferred from Blueserver forums:
It is time for my Editorial this week, and I was a bit stumped as to what topic I will approach that will set me apart from the rest. Denster started off with an introduction to the forums, EdeNz with his lament, Emus and his tremendously useful "The Art of Posting it Right", and finally, Gemynd, who fought for equality for the unnatural. Frankly speaking, they each have their own opinions of which they wish to project, while I don't. Surprising, isn't it?
Well, nevertheless, I finally decided on this topic, which will reflect the experiences, both bitter and sweet, that I've gone through as life progresses. I am considered a bit of an oddity here, because I seldom appear in the spotlight of things. Some might consider me to be a frosty person, from my curt (and often metaphorical) replies in the forums. Maybe I am just like that; maybe not.
In any case, I wish to share the stories of my life, through which we can get to know each other better. As the title, this Editorial is not a standalone, but rather, an amalgamate of the lessons of life that will be revealed more when the cycle turns. Let's just hope that this shines like the rest, shall we?
*****
Duty. The word brings a multitude of meanings to different individuals. Many relate duty to responsibility; others don't. The correlation is minimal, but it's there, nevertheless. Let's make it simpler: it means the fulfillment of responsibilities through moral or legal reasons. At least, that's what the dictionary says. Now, the question is: what makes you duty-bound? Work? Studies? Relationships? Societal demands? Or just simply, all of these?
Yes, those are the conditions under which you are made duty-bound. You have things you must fulfill in order to live up to someone's expectations, and it is morally and legally wrong if you shirk them away. Ignoring your duty is like inviting the wrath of the higher-ups if you're working, planning to fail if you're studying, breaking your relationship if you're engaged, and others. There are instances where you feel that you have so much responsibilities on your shoulders that the invisible weights will just break your shoulderblades and crush your scapulas. Ouchies.
How do we know of our duties? Ask any of the Admins or Moderators around here, and they'll most probably say, "I just know them." True enough, since duties never assume a physical form. Denster has duties to perform for the users of the forums, while EdeNz and Megablue have to take responsibility for the server. StarrY is managing the Banlist, and Emus and venus1988 take charge of the forums' well-being. All these are duties that are made apparent because you're obliged to do so, much like an employer-employee-customer relationship. One mistake, and you're in hot soup to explain your predicament.
I will not bore you with details of the works that the Admins and Moderators do, because they are not the focus of the "duty" that I have in mind. While it is common for duty to be given some sort of mental obligation, there is, however, a duty that is unvoiced in this world. It never demands to be fulfilled, and you're not morally and legally obliged to accomplish this duty. It is always there, omnipresent, but its form is hidden and not easily seen, at least to those who actually try to find it. Can you guess what "duty" is this? Some might have been able to glimpse it in this post, but I will elaborate nevertheless.
The everpresent, invisible "duty" that one is not morally and legally obliged to complete is the duty to him or herself. Now, most of you will be asking what this duty to oneself is. Simple: it is the duty whereby an individual evaluates, judges, and reforms his or her individuality. Of all the duties present, this is by far the hardest to fulfill, because most people tend to possess a certain belief that they are better than the rest, hence removing the need to review themselves.
True, no? It is very much easier to say that others are weak, that others are to be blame, than placing yourself as a weak person, as the one to be blamed. Thus, it isn't surprising that we come up with excuses and reasons to worm our way out of the scrutiny. In other words, you're trying to escape reality.
As I've said before, this duty is not morally and legally binding; you do not invite any external debilitations should you not fulfill it. Why? It is not wrong for you not to reevaluate yourself, because the self that you recognize is the one that you're most comfortable with. You can do things perfectly when you're in this self, at least from your personal perception. If you're a lazy person, changing an attitude will be hard, and that's why you tend to adhere to the self you like (which is retaining the lazy attitude).
Nobody likes to change much, after all, especially when it conflicts with your beliefs. Additionally, attitude change can only be imposed if you actually have an awareness of the self that you've created and are projecting to others, which is a hard thing to do. Most people ask the question: "Who am I?" Yet, how many are able to answer the question honestly? Not many, notably.
It is easier for us to hide behind a curtain of projected façades so as to hide our true self. Again, why? It is so because it allows us maintain a relative cognition for others to evaluate us, or probably because we ourselves are unsure as to the nature of the self we have. The need to show others that we are what they perceive is usually dominant. You want to gain the approval of others, hence you always conform or agree to whatever others have to say.
You want to be promoted, hence you gratify yourself to the higher-ups so that they evaluate you positively. However, has anyone noticed that, when you do so, you're actually suppressing the salient self, and doing things that you normally will not even dream of doing? One becomes a smoker because of this; one becomes a drug addict also because of this. We try to avoid confrontations as they conflict with the self we're demonstrating, and fail to overcome the entailing consequences. Simply put: we lie to ourselves and invite these to happen.
That said, there seems no room for transformation (or the continuation of this boring post), right? Sorry to disappoint you. Even though this duty is not demanding, there will come a time where a conscientous call will naturally "demand" that you change. We live in a world filled with people, in an environment where Homo sapiens (thinking humans) thrive.
Ambient awareness will cause us to realize that sometimes we're not doing things according to what our self dictates (say, you misuse your power when you've not done so before), thus creating an inner conflict. When this occurs, we sometimes doubt ourselves in our conducts and become demoralized. One of the worst cases of salient-self incongruency is the inferiority complex, that, more often than not, leads to suicides.
Enough with the scientific talk. You're all wondering what's the point of this post, right? I learnt some time ago that we do not exhibit just one self; we may have several selves that we project in concordance to the situations. In any case, this duty to self requires that you're able to answer your conscience vis-à-vis the circumstances.
What is the point of doing something, when you're not able to give an honest answer to yourself? What is the point of expounding your virtues, when you are actually vacuous of such virtues? What is the point of doing things, when you live to regret it later? What is the point of self-righteousness, when you in the end lose out in the battle of modulation? What is the point of being a stubborn persona, when you are actually in the wrong? What is the point of doing things, if you're not able to handle responsibilities and consequences of your actions? What is the point of asking, if you're reluctant to hear the answers? These are the things most people do not think of when they are not able to perceive the duty to self. In the end, you hurt yourself more.
It must be noted that the ultimate weapon in this is actually your mind. Your mind is a mighty apparatus that has the power to create and destroy the selves. We recognize values using the mind, and we as surely remove unpalatable virtues using it. We create selves through the conscience that is our mind, and scrape them down using the mind just as easily. The mental power of the brain is the precursor to all the selves in all individuals. And our minds perceive things differently, hence the difference in attitudes, beliefs, and opinions. Such is the beauty and complexity of the mind.
It is saddening, really, for most people to be blinded by their egocentric self, such that they fail to see the importance of the duty to self. Having self-confidence is vital, but not so that you're unable to conform in different situations. The people around you are definitely not passive; they are active in perceiving life and its course. Criticisms are levelled most of the times, some unbelievably hurtful, others laced deeply with sarcasm. Whatever it is, I believe that criticisms are the catalysts to change, usually for the better, if you're able to perceive, understand, and assimilate the meanings they contain. The truth, after all, is sweet to hide, sour to tell, and bitter to hear. But, if you're able to face truth squarely, you have just fulfilled a big, satisfying duty to yourself.
Of course, change does not mean that you submit yourself to the entire conformation that others might have for you. That is the wrong case of understanding the duty to self. You change by acculturing ideas and opinions of others, but not prior to weighing the rationality of your decision. If you do so without referring to your conscience, you're are actually compromising your entire existence, that you live at the whims of others, that you're a nobody in this world.
Everyone is born unique, and that uniqueness is what separates the individual self from others. What is important here is that you are able to select and justify your choice of change, before incorporating it into your being. The assimilation does not necessarily be whole; you can adapt your choice in a way that it satisfies both you and others, hence a mutual understanding.
This might be hard, but think of it this way: a plant will perish should there be not enough nutrients in the soil; to survive, it needs to change its adaptation such that it is able to proliferate even though it will require more organic products initially (say, elongating the roots, closing the stomata, etc.). If it is able to do so, you'll find that the plant will survive longer after the depletion of the minerals, and might just be able to live on once the minerals regenerate in time.
The core of this post is universal; here, it is for us (the Admins/Moderators), and for you (users). We cannot coexist if we're intolerant of others, and if we discard the perceptions of others as insignificant. We live as the yin and the yang of things; one cannot be without the other. The transformation is individual, but the driving force is communal; if we're able to understand one another, I believe we will be able to forge a shift in the current paradigm that will bring us to a new level of evolution. This, of course, refers to the forum and also the individual.
My final say: do things and be true to yourself, and change as you see suitable for yourself. After all, you are you, and I am I; we are different, yet the same (in a manner of speaking). There's no need to be me to satisfy others. Just be yourself in all conducts, and if you're able to attribute the actions to your conscience, you've probably just did the right thing, even when others see it as wrong. The perceptions of significant others will be very potent in this, indeed, for they are the essences to how you shape your reasonings and justifications to ascribe to the self you believe in.
That will end my Editorial. Thank you for reading this long-winded and soporifically insubstantial post.
1. World Awareness under Emergency Rule: "None shalt talketh of race, religion, and the Government, for they who doth shalt be smitten with the Hammer of Justice". (More like, Warning Level, though the deterrent doesn't seem to be enough. Hmm ...)
2. Christmas is near! (Woohoo!)
3. Internship ending in 3 weeks' time. (Yay!)
4. Family's coming in 3 weeks' time, too! (Double yay's!)
5. I miss DotA, I miss Warcraft III, I miss Burbenog, I miss anime, I miss authoring, I miss my pillows and mattress, I miss Malaysian foods, I miss writing long essays to kill forumers, I do not miss Denster. (Uhm, yeah, that's about right ... no?)
6. Works are piling up, reports are mounting, and I am daunted by the tasks at hand. (I'm supposed to publish a mock scientific journal! The horror!)
7. I'm finishing my ninth book (The Sword of Shannara) I've bought since I came here. The tenth coming right up! (Whee!)
8. Lab trip to Sentosa Island imminent. Going to be a barbeque night with my fellow lab-mates. (Menu: marinated chicken wings, roasted sweet potato, butter corns, garlic bread, fruit salad, sausages, fish balls, hams, ..., and yours truly, charcoal—just kidding.)
9. Holidays ending soon. Term restarting on the 8th of January. (Oh, no!)
10. A Happy and Early Merry Christmas to everyone! (I wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!)
That's about all.
—PhoenixFire
On Thursday, 16th November 2006, my old files were officially deleted. Gone along were the files that I've accumulated for some time, as well as precious games and softwares that keep me connected to the world. May they rest in peace.
Amen.
P/S: All is not lost! I'm reinstalling when I get back home! Praise be with the Flames of Eternity's blessings!
—PhoenixFire
A short blog, informing readers that I am 99.9% sure that I will be returning home on the 29th of December, 2006. Well, I'd have returned earlier, but for my family who wishes to come here to celebrate Christmas. So, if you all have any questions or need any help, I'm afraid I won't be around for much maneuvering around the forum or server alike. Most likely, I can come here (the laboratory) to finish up my reports, but that's most probably all.
P/S: And yeah, I remember you saying something about a gathering, Denster, but I'm sorry that I'll be unavailable for it.
—PhoenixFire
Hmm, does it seem that way, or the mass media here—be it electronic or printed—print a very bleak picture of the occurrences back in motherland? Somehow, the problems in Malaysia appear to be more pronounced here than when I was back there reading the news. We have corrupt ministers who are pardoned for building his house illegally, then we have the issue of the Sultan of Johore denigrading the Westerners as dirty and his vehemence to bring down the Causeway (God knows how I'm to return to Malaysia if that happens), the continued barbed remarks by the former Premier, the formal denunciation of Manglish, and many more.
Well, perhaps I'm here and they're there, and the other perspective always seem to be more prejudiced, however slightly. I've read about Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew hailed as an "Asian hero" who modernized Singapore (curious, where is Tun Mahathir here?) in the Time magazine, good progress in technological and scientific research, a lot of efforts in community projects brought about by their governors and MPs, and a myriad other things that do not concern Malaysia. Yes, the media have not much concern about anything in their neighbors (save when war is imminent or when some form of threat appears), but I am concerned, nonetheless.
Paranoid I may be, but my concerns lie not on the grandness of the Minister Mentor or the progress of Singapore. They lie more in my understanding of what I have always think of my beloved country, of which I've grown up in and of which I've had many fond memories of. Malaysia, in its simplest form, is a country beautiful because of her capability in moulding different races and religions together to form a uniquely wonderful blend of aesthetic pride. I am under no illusions that we have constantly warred with the inequities we feel through some of the more draconian policies our Government has managed to draw out, but still, I love my country. Still, differences aside, we Malaysians still share an abundance of similarities and understanding.
I've always consider people, regardless of creed and color, have what the scientific community would call the "common sense", more so for those that govern the nation. Sadly, I'm in for the worst shock—an example of which turns out to be officials being let off the hook because many others have done the same thing. How wonderfully generous our governors can be, for they are of the perception that because others have done the same thing, it is not a gangrene that will spread further if it made an appearance in the media. So, people, it is advisable next time that you all build your houses without approval; well, the law cannot harm you because "others have done the same thing". We should also ignore police and officers who take bribe, because "others have done so". We should not queue up when taking a bus ride, because "others have done so". We must not care what happens in our neighbor's house, because "others have done so".
This is one of the most ridiculous reasons that I've seen given by the Menteri Besar of Selangor (never mind that he works near where I live). Has he not the slightest idea of what his words mean and their impacts on the country? One person did a heinous wrong, and he's pardoned on the excuse that many others had done the same thing? Perhaps if it concerns a normal citizen, the affair might have turn in law's favor, but because the perpetrator is a politician, he's spared the agony? Where is the justice in this? If we know that many others did the same wrong, whatever happened to the enforcement of law on these offenders?
For the betterment of the future of Malaysia, I'd have sacked him if I had the power—never mind that it was a slip of the tongue or not. Or maybe suspend him from duty for a period of time (something like a year or so, if it was left to me to decide). And we'll herd in the black sheep after that.
Understand this, it takes an army to conquer a nation, my fellow friends (and politicians); but it takes just one man to change the world. And if it was me, I'll become the latter, either for the sake of improving Malaysia's ailing popularity, or for the sake of upholding justice as it should have been.
P/S: Somehow, this post got lost somewhere in transition, and remained as a draft instead. This is a little bit outdated, but oh well, since I've already done it, let's don't waste the effort. =)
—PhoenixFire
Sigh, I might be fine as long as my health and sanity are concerned, but things here are, truth be told, dull and monotonous. I spent the Saturday devouring the last of several storybooks—all of them medieval fantasy (Warcraft series, to be specific)—that I've bought here (which, admittedly, are much cheaper than those sold in Malaysia), and that's the end of the "fun" that I will have for my long stay here. Well, until I got my hands on several new ones, perhaps.
On Sunday, I relished in watching some animations (I refuse to call them cartoons) aired on the local television here, which were quite good, up until 12.00 P.M., and that's it—nothing else to fill the gap for the next half of the day, except to sleep, something of which I'm reluctant to do, since I woke up at about 9.00 A.M..
So, I did what I always do whenever I have the free time at home (in Malaysia)—think. Well, thinking it might have been, but in the essence, it's more like a transition from Singapore back to Malaysia. My mind flashed on the things that I would have done back there—playing computer games, chatting, forumming, searching up information, authoring, downloading and watching Japanese animations, and many other things that I crave even more to do now than ever.
It's not like I don't go around visiting the places here in Singapore, but I will need to have the cash (obviously) and a location to which I'm interested to go to. I've gone to newly-opened and very grand VivoCity (a main rival of Midvalley Megamall, I'll say, though it has my thumbs down for its acoustic setup—the sounds were echoing in the whole place!), Chinatown (of which nothing much appealed to me, it's just like Petaling Street in Kuala Lumpur), and a nearby shopping complex (just 10 minutes of bus ride will take me here) of which its main magnetic pull on me is the cheap books.
Still, all these novelties eventually wore off, and I found myself beset with the same loneliness that I've felt a long time ago since I've arrived here. It isn't homesickness, but rather, the change of lifestyle that forces me to give up my habitual activities (temporarily). I've gotten used to it, but my heart still yearns for the proximity with a connection to my past habits—and that will be with my computer.
Sigh. While time surely flies quickly (it's been six weeks since I'm here), but I find it a little bit too slow for my liking.
Oh, well, another month to go. I shall persevere until then.
P/S: I shall hunt for new books today!
—PhoenixFire
Well, I guess everything's all right here, so I'll begin my authorship of ancient histories, mystical pasts, gruesome battles, archaic manuscripts, and—fine, blogging, if you so desire it!—hope that I'll be able to keep tabs of things around here. It's been a very busy, very hazy, and thoroughly hectic month, but I'm still sane, don't worry, albeit my lapses into things long gone (which is not something bad, actually, come to think of it).
That ends the officiation speech.
—PhoenixFire
Just testing whether everything's all right. I'll link my friends (and maybe foes) here, after it's all done.
—PhoenixFire
